Feb 2022 acoustic-one-take fuc baritone-ukulele past-life-dreams
Part of my Past Life Dreams series, a sequel to the Sunflower song. See that one for more liner notes <3
I’ve been in pain most of my life
The day Mama’s shame became mine
I’m sorry
For the silence I poured over me
That miscarriage at your house I had
Never told you what happened, but you knew it was bad
I’m sorry
You never got the blood out those sheets
...I was drowning in shame
...I breathed only pain
Sitting with your family in the church pews
I’m sorry there was nothing your Jesus could do
Preacher say,
We’re washed in the blood of the lamb
I’m the sacrificial lamb
I come from shame, so I am ashamed
I come from pain, so I am in pain
Til I rise out of my frame
And I am taller than I have ever been
The sunflower is opening, she sees the sun again
There’s a rainbow person in the swirling light
They take all the burdens that were never mine to hold
There was a funny guy, each Sunday
He always wore a colorful bowtie-- hey
I’m sorry,
Cuz we could’ve been man and wife
There was a daughter that we would’ve had
The same soul I carried as a child way back
I’m sorry
We would’ve had a beautiful life
And we do now in the sky
And she is taller than she has ever been
The sunflower is opening, I see the sun again
And the rainbow person in the swirling light
Releases the blessings that were always mine to hold
I come from shame, but I am not shame
I come from pain, but I am not pain
I am a child of the divine
And I’m dancing in the church now in the sky
And I am taller than I have ever been
The kufi on my head proclaims I own my heritage
The hands I clasp in mine they lead me deep into the dance
The dance of death and life and love and suffering and chance
I come from shame; I am not ashamed
I come from pain; I’m no longer in pain
I am a child of the divine
And I'm dancing in the church now with my daughter and brothers, with Jeremiah in his bowtie, even with my mother
And I'm dancing in the church now in the sky
@timfatchen Mar 2022
I thought I was all listened out tonight. Then this came up. Empathy is everything. We need to be able to relate and relate within. It's empathy that allows us to relate, feel for others, feel something of what they're afflicted with/suffering/achieving/living.. So you should NOT be worried or apologising in relation to the background of this song/story. The empathy is such that this song becomes hugely personal, channelled throuigh you if you like, but also brought to life by you.
Applause. Don't stop. Now I'm going to bed before the arthritis eats my hands.
@tcelliott Mar 2022
You've made this so personal. With a lyric that seems bare and raw in the best way, I feel you've related a truth. I almost didn't comment because it feels so personal (even though it's part of your Past Life Dream series) and feel like it deserves more than I can give from my limited perspective. That being said, I truly loved your voice on this melody. You've conveyed both the pain and the strength in the lyric. I'm glad I was able to hear this one.