Feb 2022 lo-fi full-production acoustic singer-songwriter emo indie
for this one i wanted it to be mostly how the demo went. until the ending. it worked out pretty much exactly like i envisioned. i thought about putting a riser or something before the "full band" comes in but i kind of like the quick entrance of it all hitting at once and just going until it ends.
if i just pretend that i'm writing an email to myself. no one would read it. no one would see. how fucked up. no we're not there yet. who knows if we'll get there? i couldn't say. but i kind of feel like i should try. for what? release of some kind? truth? self? a lapsed gas and focused on focusing on nothing at all.
feeling like the floor slipped out. both forward and reversed time. oh, did i mention that i'm high? does it matter? do i? does anyone? yes. a far too few. i oscillate between i got this and i need to get out.
outside. out at the bar. hell even a club. i've never really been to a club. i mean i've been to a club but i've never really BEEN to a club, u know? u know. i can tell. cause i'm writing to myself.
not for anyone else. i can have fun with it. i can get lost in it. i can make things that don't make sense. i can stare at a blank page and it doesn't matter cause it's mine. i can fall into abyss, it's bliss. it's everything and nothing all at once. i may never hit the enter key again. nothing needs to end. even after it's gone it's not. it's all around.
oh did i mention i was gay? am i gay? am i queer? can i be both? i'm not what i always thought i was. it's fucked up to me i never saw it. it's fucked up i always denied it. like i had anything to deny.
i was so sure i knew who i was. and i've realized in my thirties i don't have a clue. i want to find out. it's clear to me that i know nothing about myself.
@alonetogether Mar 2022
fuck yeah to discovering yourself! some of my most important moments of realization came from writing to myself.
"its clear to me that i know nothing about myself" - this is a absolute killer line. the sudden full band is great and really sells this.
@jessi14 Mar 2022
I really like the "Steam of consciousness" style of those lyrics, very authentic. This is fun to listen to, like talking to a good friend. I like that you added a band towards the end.