So this needs a lot of work. This demo is instrumental, with the piano playing the vocal melody.
Twenty years ago today
I took you to the local bingo game
You won top prize
First time in years
The entire room broke out in cheers
And you told jokes to fight the tears
And then you kissed me on the cheek
We made plans to do this again next week
I didn’t know that the last time I saw you
Would be the last time I saw you
I didn’t know that our last night together
Would be our last night together
I didn’t know
We’d run out of time
And our last goodbye
Was our last goodbye
People say I have your eyes
And the way you cared about so many lives
And all of your
Anxiety
Was also handed down to me
But I can’t blame you when I’m weak
So many things I’d planned to ask
So many unanswered questions about our past
I didn’t know that the last time I saw you
Would be the last time I saw you
I didn’t know that our last conversation
Would be our last conversation
I didn’t know
We’d run out of time
And our last goodbye
Would still haunt me to this day
With all the things I never got a chance to say
I didn’t know that the last time I saw you
Would be the last time I saw you
I didn’t know that our last night together
Would be our last night together
I didn’t know
We’d run out of time
And our last goodbye
Was our last goodbye
@aaroneis Feb 2022
You write such good melodies to go with your lyrics. I know I tease a lot about “downer” songs. While this fits into that category, it’s done well. I could see it as a sort of comfort to a listener in this situation, knowing there’s a story out there similar to their own.
That being said, if I did another draft, I’d find a way to make this more bittersweet. Along the lines of “at least we had a last goodbye”.
Still, very nice work!
@jeffjweir Feb 2022
I read the lyrics. Very nice. Then I listened to the song and by the second chorus I had tears in my eyes. So you did what we are all trying to do!
Your chorus melody is so subtly and hauntingly beautiful. I like how you smoothly tagged on a little bridge that flows out of the second chorus into the final chorus. Beautiful chord selection.
I think the “lot of work” you say it needs will require only sandpaper, not jackhammers.
@timfatchen Feb 2022
This has a lovely feel to it, if you're going to work more on teh backing, please don't lose that deep and dreamy and even a little ominous feel. And consider keeping the piano sound as an antiphon to the lines when they're sung. I had no problems putting the lyrics to the melody BTW. On the lyrics, yes, it's hard and you've put the issue well. I guess it's a case of always talk, always ask, because it might not happen again. The bingo game and cheers was a lovely homely touch...