I first wrote this song back in 2017 I think when I went to Adelaide for the first time
I went back for an overnight trip this year and decided to review this song I wrote.
I took out 25% of the words, changed the theme a little, Was able to write a stronger second verse, put in a bridge and I hope this is a better song for it
Thoughts definitely welcome.
Pieces of Adelaide – Version 2
© Christine M Kerr
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2022
V1
The South Pole wind kisses my cheek
As I walk down West Beach Pier
I look at the view before me,
Wishing that you were here
Pre Chorus
I lost track of the time again
And all the promises that we made
I should've tried harder my love to get you to stay
CHORUS
I’ve got pieces of Adelaide in my pocket
Have you got pieces of me in your heart?
I’ve got pieces of Adelaide in my pocket
Oh what I’d give to be back at the start
V2
The sun goes down on Flinders Street
As the taxis rush by
I sneak into our favourite place
Memories flood my mind
Pre Chorus
I lost track of the time again
And all the promises that we made
I should've tried harder my love to get you to stay
CHORUS
I’ve got pieces of Adelaide in my pocket
Have you got pieces of me in your heart?
I’ve got pieces of Adelaide in my pocket
Oh what I’d give to be back at the start
Bridge
Oh what I’d give
What I’d give
To be back
Back at the start
CHORUS
I’ve got pieces of Adelaide in my pocket
Have you got pieces of me in your heart?
I’ve got pieces of Adelaide in my pocket
Oh what I’d give to be back at the start
@elainedimasi Mar 2022
Agree, it is immediately visual from the first line and I like that a lot. The "pieces of Adelaide / pieces of me?" pairing makes for a nice tight chorus idea.
Your choice of bridge lyrics emphasizes the feeling, and doesn't include a "plot twist" or further events development. That's a perfectly valid choice to make, not always the one folks make, but it's nice and open and gives lots of choices for how the music could support it.
@jibbidy34 Feb 2022
I like this a lot. It’s very visual and makes the reader feel like they are right there with you both in Adelaide and feeling your heartache.