Feb 2022 spoken-word
A true story.
(Except for the Stanford part, I think.)
One day the smoke detector beeped.
<BEEP>
It kept beeping.
<BEEP>
That day the smoke detector started beeping.
<BEEP>
And it didn’t stop.
<BEEP>
<BEEP>
<BEEP>
<BEEP>
It beeped high up in the wall.
15 feet up, where the sides of the ceiling converged.
Like an unsatisfied god at the top of an altar.
<BEEP>
I couldn’t reach it with a ladder.
It was far too high.
But it kept beeping.
<BEEP>
My dog would bark at every beep.
“Feed the god”, I imagined her saying,
“For it is hungry!”
<BEEP>
I found an old stick.
I climbed on a chair.
I was able to placate the god
By pressing its button.
<SILENCE>
8 hours passed.
<BEEP>
The god had woken up.
Ever vigilant of my living room.
Watching everything from above.
It asked for another offering.
<BEEP>
I climbed on a chair.
I grabbed the old stick.
And made my offering
By pressing its button.
<SILENCE>
8 more hours passed.
<BEEP>
Weeks went by like this.
It became our daily ritual.
Tending to the old god of smoke detection.
Every 8 hours.
<BEEP>
“Make an offering before bed
To guarantee 8 hours of sleep.”
<BEEP>
“Make an offering in the morning,
And one in the afternoon
(Hopefully not in the middle of a meeting).”
<BEEP>
<BEEP>
Weeks went by like this.
And every Tuesday
A truck would park 50’ away
From the old god.
<BEEP>
On its trunk, a ladder.
A perfect ladder.
Not too big, like the ladder in the barn.
But the perfect size to reach the gods.
<BEEP>
Weeks went by.
Daily rituals of
1. Climb the chair <BEEP>
2. Grab the stick <BEEP>
3. Press the button
Every Tuesday, the ladder would arrive.
I would watch it.
And it would leave.
<BEEP>
Was this a Stanford experiment?
“For how long will this couple press a button
Before socializing again after 2 years of sheltering?
Will they just incorporate the daily routine of
Pressing an inaccessible button 3x a day?
Accept it as normal and carry on with their lives?”
<BEEP>
That’s what we did.
For weeks.
The ladder would come and go.
<BEEP>
And I would please the god.
Eventually.
Yes, eventually.
The ladder came on a Tuesday.
Yesterday.
<BEEP>
It was time to kill the gods.
No more offerings.
No more daily sacrifices.
No more chair, no more stick.
<BEEP>
“Can I borrow your ladder?
I have two, one too small, one too big.”
<BEEP>
“Of course!”
I climbed Mount Olympus
And confronted the god face to face
(Not really, I still had to stretch my arm to reach it.)
<BEEP>
I opened its mouth.
Removed the dead battery
And placed a new one.
One final offering (final?)
And the god was placated.
And slept.
(Well, it was still detecting smoke. I hope.)
No more offerings.
No more daily sacrifices.
No more chair, no more stick.
[In Stanford
A scientist in a white lab coat
Scribbles their notebook:
“Couple #27. 5 weeks and 3 days”]
<BEEP>
@tunecat Mar 2022
Lol. The smoke detector has a good part. Can I collab??? Reminds me of a track I did a few fawns ago cause it’s a story rather than a poem - https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/JfrJsETXvXaZKuo8 klaus reads
@zecoop Feb 2022
This is absolutely wonderful. I was truly transfixed. I love spoken word (Big Laurie Anderson fan since forever) and you absolutely hit all the right buttons (so to speak) and just hit it out of the park with the end. Just fantastic. :)
@jayjay Feb 2022
Really clever stuff #27 :)
@coolparadiso Feb 2022
ha ha now i understand ! i am just a glorified lab rat! I have been playing that game for years! very clever idea well done!
@kenmattsson Feb 2022
This is such a great story , and I love how you incorporate the beeps into it. Very clever, and I like the different tones of your voice.
@wylddandelyon Feb 2022
Yes. Oh, yes, this.
Perhaps the scientist should call an electrician and get a modern, wired one?
@bachelorb Feb 2022
Wonderful!!! Except my dog is deathly afraid of that sound. (my wife uses the fire alarm as a cooking timer) I started listening to your recording, and my dog went and hid under my legs. I had to turn off the recording and just read the rest of your words haha.
@tseaver Feb 2022
Lovely write! The experimental bit works on multiple levels. The detector as an idol is perfect.
@aeye Feb 2022
Love this haha. And why do the batteries always have to fail at 3am?
@jamesstaubes Feb 2022
This is great! It's like a podcast about a smoke detector. I could hear this on NPR or something. Hahaha. I love the analogy of the Stanford Prison Experiment.