I was just about to settle down for the night when this idea came to mind. It's only one verse and I don't where it will go, Maybe I'll get some useful suggestions here ;D
Johnny was born in the valley
Everybody called him Lucky
'Cause a guy stuck a gun in his face
but the hammer didn't fall.
Johnny told that story for drinks as often as he could
But he never had a job, never had a lover, never had a chance - so after all...
Johnny wasn't lucky all
@daveyboy103 Mar 2022
Love the lyrics, short as they are
@andrewrusse Feb 2022
Nice verse. And... a super Title.
What I've learnt works for me over the last couple of weeks is "sort out the title - don't do anything more (lyrically) until you've got a title to write to" ... I think I read years ago that some songwriter (Sammy Cahn?) said "I don't even get out of bed until there's a Title".
I've never really followed that line until the last week or two (after I obviously got the title wrong on one and fixed it the day after posting, recording was the same, but I'd picked the wrong thing as the title).
The moment I switched to a "what's the title?" approach, I seemed to get an almost magical 100% "finishing power" on the ideas when they spring up. Not all songs/titles work like that, but I'm finding most of mine do now.
So, based on that, I've got one suggestion here, that might open possibilities for you. The title is superb, that title might actually be what the song is about? It might be that Johnny has finished his bit in this story.... In the past, with a start like this, I'd be wondering what else Johnny can do... mebbe I get stuff, and a song, mebbe I don't....
Now, I'd be thinking about the title and what it could do for me, how I can mess with the listener's head/emotions.
Unless Johnny starts doing some cool stuff pretty fast, I'd toy with adding more characters who are equally Not Lucky at All. Maybe even the singer for the last verse.
@andygriff Feb 2022
An excellent verse. Another kinetic Paddy riff. Be interesting to see where this goes!
@tseaver Feb 2022
Fun! that rhumba-like guitar lick is an ear worm all by itself.
Maybe other verses could explore other kinds of luck? Lucky in love, Lucky at cards?