Time for a real world mix check on this monster!
Looking for any input crits on songcraft, performance and expecially right now production, on this track so I can call it done and it can take place #53 in the WK100 collection. (see my profile) . Have at it, pick nits, help me get it to "excellent".
Started life May 2015, and I've just finished nearly 4 hours production work on it today, but I finally think I got a handle on it. What do your ears and various listening devices say? Man, I'd love to play this one live!
Thanks for all the love, suport, indulgence, this FabFeb, it makes all the hard work I'm doing just that much easier. I hope this project will be finished during 5090!!!! 18 months of my life.
Oh and in case you missed it, I just opened up the #tit4tat listen/comment exchange ... come play, tell your friends: https://fawm.org/forums/topic/12775/
Dotted Line by Wolf Kier
wk052 Copyright Wolf Kier 2015 2022
++++++++++++
Oh, that dotted line
Oh it keeps me mesmerized
6 more dots each day
But still the pain won't go away
Oh that dotted, oh that dotted
Oh that dotted line
The whole world seems
to melt away
Some come young to the dotted line
And what they find there seems fine fine fine
The whistle blows, it's time to go (toot toot)
it's time to add to that dotted line
Stars and stripes I'm hypnotized
got all my monkeys in a line
Stars and stripes I'm hypnotized
got all my monkeys in a line
Oh that dotted line
the flesh is weak the thrill it seeks
is everyday harder to find find find find
oh that dotted line
Some come young to the dotted line
And what they find there seems fine fine fine
Way to mess up what yo mamma gave you, bad boy.
The whistle blows it's time to go
it's time to add to that dotted line
(solo)
Stars and stripes I'm hypnotized
got all my monkeys in a line
Stars and stripes I'm hypnotized
got all my monkeys in a line
in a line
in a line
in a line
that dotted line
fine fine fine fine fine
Some come young to the dotted line
And what they find there seems fine fine fine
the dotted line (sing with me)
The whistle blows it's time to go
it's time to add to that dotted line
@tawny249 Mar 2022
Wow. I can't imagine...it SOUNDS like 4+ hours of production. What a cool layering of percussion going on here. You have a nice low range in your voice and it's great, very classic rock feel to it. You used a lot of repetition lyrically but it worked in this case because you changed up the instruments so often. I was bouncing to this. Very neat.
@dzdandcunfsd Mar 2022
You had to of known I'd love this one :D I'm almost mad you hadn't pointed me towards it earlier LOL... oh you want to hear a little more chaotically controlled percussion? oh you like bass and sax on this one huh? LOL...
IMO... tie a bow around this bad boy and ship it on its way!
@ayehahmur Mar 2022
Cracking song! Love the arrangement, the bass is brilliant, the saxes sit perfectly in there with their slightly atonal ambulations. And the vocal production is awesome.
On my earphones I felt the drums could have been up a smidge, but I wouldn't change anything else about it.
@williamjames Mar 2022
"Way to mess up what yo mamma gave you, bad boy" great line! Good groove and rocking vocals! Oh, a question! Do you play live shows?
@heliosonorous Mar 2022
Track totally rocks, really nice beat and groove, you sing well and add some attitude to it, the word repetitions echo along well, and I like how it ends.
@coolparadiso Feb 2022
Tit4tat Very well layered good lyric and the tension is right to the music. Its good again, as you asked i did find some of that back brass a little bit distracting, mostly very early on, it seemed to settle in later. Enjoyed the song.
@writeandwrong Feb 2022
Slick musicianship! Smoothe vocals. Hints of different artists but with your unique talent masterfully surrounding theirs. "Time to add to that dotted line." Phew. I would love to hear you play this live!! #tit4tat3
@mandolinda Feb 2022
This year, I started listening with headphones. What a difference that makes. There are so many layers of sound meshed together, all contributing to the overall effect. Marvelous. #tit4tat1
@ferry0123 Feb 2022
What have you've been doing? Well, whatever it is, it's going on. It's going on like a train and a whistle and I like to walk that beat :)
@karlsburg25 Feb 2022
Mate firstly as with all your stuff its so very creative and this has a real original flow to it. I adore your vocals on this. and that bass is just a killer. Production wise its pretty spot on and its just a personal thing but on occassions i just want more of that bass and drum beat kicking through a wee bit more especially as it progresses towards the end but its really hard to be anything but positive about this matey.
@looprication Feb 2022
Listened to this while out for a walk today and I forgot who I was listening to, or that it was a FAWM song! Great production values. (I think it sounds great in English but wouldn't ever mind hearing you sing in Icelandic ;))
@sunnymae Feb 2022
This is screaming to be sung in German! I actually thought you were singing in German as I read the English lyrics. Just a vibe I guess.
I know you like to "hit it" from the gitgo, but I agree with below comment about easing in just a bit. It also almost sounds like the song started before the tune actually plays. I'd like to hear the first three synth notes more clearly in the first bar and/or give us a half second of play before the music starts.
To my ear the latin percussion and drums are at odds in places and when combined, seem to clash. I'd cut them when the drums kick in at .12-.24. I'd drop them out at that point and cut them out again at 1.08 and 1.40-2.05, then let them play out to the end.
That's what I got for now with a bunch of listens.
Dig the tune!
@radiobenedetto Feb 2022
You've created an interesting atmosphere here between the bohemian congas, the loungy e-piano and barry sax, and the dark vocal delivery with the doubling that is artfully off. Together it gives the song a kind of Nick Cave-y dark urban carnival feel. I agree with the comment about bringing some of the additional layers in gradually to propel the song forward as it unfolds. You've got enough here that by the end of it the listener will be engulfed by the world you've created.
@cindyrella Feb 2022
I like monkeys in a line! You are so creative and not like anyone I've ever known! I don't really have any not picks. Good stuff!
@crisp1 Feb 2022
The vocals made me think of Bowie, even though I don't actually know his music that well. Very cool rhythm to this and a trippy lyric. Love all the other sounds you've thrown in.
@abudabard12514 Feb 2022
It’s a hella good jam, man I’m into it. Since y’asked so kindly I’ll pick a couple nits: I think you could leave out some of the percussion at the beginning and bring it in more gradually, and I think all that open hi-hat in the verses gets invasive in spots. I just feel like my ears could be lead to the lyrics and melody more if there were less moving musical objects from the outset of the tune. That said, I love how many timbral elements are happening, I live for stuff like that, and I like how unboxed the tune is. There was part of me (that I’m fighting with) that wanted more ‘hookiness’ to it, like the “in a line in a line in a line” bit could stand to happen more than once. Nice tune man, really fun. I like your performance on it too, it’s got a nice blend of grit and science fiction