This is the first of two songs that I’ve really struggled with. This is the fourth version I’ve recorded (one on a 4-track, three (inc this one) in Logic), and this is the closest to what’s in my head, but it’s still not quite right and I can’t put my finger on why. Just need to not be messing with this anymore, so posting to move on. Marked as favourite more for what's in my head than what's here.
The option paralysis I get when using Logic is one of the main reasons I’ve mostly stuck with a four-track this FAWM – I can’t tell what this sounds like any more; I think there’s a boxiness to it, but I can’t trust my ears.
I really like the idea of this song; it’s a longing for a life taken away by illness, the altered relationships with those important to you, but lacking the control or ability to explain. It comes from a very specific situation.
This has a delightful bass part from @harryh; I wish I’d been able to send more song fragments to him to properly pull him into FAWM, but my need to simplify things has lead me down a more basic route mostly.
[UPDATE: 5/3/2022 - remastered version]
A space here for @harryh if he wishes to add anything…
Help me, I’m failing, things are coming out wrong
Maybe you hate me, I’ve lost control and I’m done
Painful unbending, I need more space in my mind
Helpless and fearless, but things keep coming out wrong
It’s all wrong, it’s so wrong.
I miss my perfect life, more time, there’s no time.
Always think of my hair, highlights in my hair
Sunshine flickers there
Seems like you don’t, seems like you don’t care
Violets in the air
With tulips everywhere
Seems like you don’t, seems like you don’t care
Dragging I’m useless, but waiting far too long
Speaking not hearing my words keep coming out wrong
It’s all wrong, it’s so wrong.
I miss my perfect life, more time, there’s no time.
Please remember my hair, highlights in my hair
Sunshine flickers there
Seems like you don’t, seems like you don’t care
Violets in the air
With tulips everywhere
Seems like you don’t, seems like you don’t care
I wanted to be buried near a railway line
A corner plot would suit me fine
Carry on, make good choices, and spend time well
But spare a thought for my hair, highlights in my hair
Sunshine flickers there
Seems like you don’t, seems like you don’t care
Violets in the air
With tulips everywhere
Seems like you don’t, seems like you don’t care
@jlampson Mar 2022
What a great musical introduction with a very present bass asserting itself. I loved the way you continued to build every so often with new things being brought in musically or vocally to shake it up. The references to flora definitely reinforce what I take away as a very "flower child era" vibe to this. It's easy to see why you marked it as a favorite!
@standup Mar 2022
I love the interplay of the bass and the vocal line. THere's a lot to like here, the tremolo guitar, the takeoff with shaker. The layers, the complexity really engaging but not overpowering the song.
There's so much loss here, things that used to work are gone.
@beacon Mar 2022
Gawd this feels fully developed. The bass slaps, and I love the vocals and the harmonies! Never thought the line "Please remember my hair, highlights in my hair" would be such a hook. Thanks for this one!
#listeningskirmish
@fearlessflight2014 Mar 2022
As a bassist that bass part really shone for me. The lyric really drew me in and took me to an emotional place and I like that little hiccuped lyric in the chorus, it seemed to heighten the sadness for me. Beautiful collab!
@jtsteam Mar 2022
This has a nice melody, and it really is a delightful bass part, yes! I'm glad I'm playing this on my nice new speakers to properly hear it :). It was reminding me at some times of some of Kurt Vile's work, although I can't quite explain wy. I like it the way it is to be honest though maybe if we hear what it's like in your head it'll be even better!
@plushbaby Mar 2022
Great melody on the vocal, really like that it comes right in at the start of the song. bass sounds great, you definately did the right thing to persist with getting this tune recorded, lovely lo-fi sounds.
I can see why you have hearted this one, it's great! The chorus is super catchy and I love the words! Shaker is a reat addition too - 'highlights in my hair' mmmm! Needs a roaring guitar solo over the end double chorus, at least that's what I'm hearing. Really great work on this one!
@datsch Mar 2022
Nice work @harryh -- reminds me of some of McCartney's basslines, super-melodic and nice and bouncy,
@seemanski Feb 2022
This is excellent, it sounds terrific and I loved your delivery of the chorus, the way you emphasise the important phrases sticks in your head. Nicely done.
@max Feb 2022
This is good, I mean really good!
@arthurrossi Feb 2022
A very lovely tune and the electric guitar is awesome here... Very well written lyrics with many strong lines, I really like
"I wanted to be buried near a railway line
A corner plot would suit me fine
Carry on, make good choices, and spend time well".
Very strong chorus and your vocal delivery is great, too!
@richaaaay Feb 2022
Some great stuff going on here. That bass playing is sweet. I really like the role the electric guitar plays in this. I'm thinking the main guitar is acoustic recorded via a pick-up. Am I correct or is that an electric too? Chill vocal delivery works well.
@harryh Feb 2022
Thanks for asking me to contribute @thedutchwidows ! I'm just sorry I haven't been able to do more. It's been a lot of fun!
@p3t3h4rv3y Feb 2022
I don't know what you had in mind originally but this is a great song.
It has the pop syntax that we at P3t3 towers understand most readily. It's a breezy pop tune with a dark undertone. Storms Eunice and Frank have actually put the Tulips and Violets in the air, haven't they?
@svwulfe Feb 2022
I get that feeling a lot too. "What's missing? Is there something different I can be doing?" ... And what is usually the case is, it's fine how it is! But I always feel like I should be adding MORE. It's a pisser of a constant struggle. ... But this really came out well, I think! Nothing is too muddled and it carries along very nicely.
@improvyssey Feb 2022
I like the way the mood shifts constantly throughout the first bit of this song. You've conveyed the harsh emotions well via both the lyrics and the music. Sometimes, you just have to walk away and give a piece space. You may come back to it later and either realise how to fix it or decide that it's fine the way it is.
@ayehahmur Feb 2022
Well for me, it works. The chorus, with that excellent running bass line, grabs the attention and drags us along to the land of toe tapping and singalonging. Your voice sounds brilliant here too, and the delivery of the lyrics is ace.
Something to try (later, post FAWM after all the other songs are written) regards the mix - maybe move the bass to the centre with the drums and double the main strumming guitar, panning it slight left and right? Oh no, wait, you said you're doing this in a four track? Then perhaps keep the pan narrow and place the guitar and bass opposite each other? Four tracks are such a challenge sometimes!
Really cool song anyway, and that's what matters.
@vomvorton Feb 2022
Sounds great to me, but I know the feeling of a mix that won't quite do what you want it to do. This is one of the more exposed vocals I've heard from you and it sounds great, love the shimmery tremolo guitars and that bassline is great, so melodic. Lyric is sad but with some lovely lines, "spare a thought for my hair" is such an unusual but oddly heartbreaking line.