I started to write this last week (one note melody) but never managed to record it to upload. It could probably use reworking in places eventually but there may be something there.
The moment that you're born they tell you,
Stand up straight and learn to toe the line
Swallow your emotions down now
Don't you know that only babies cry
Life is disappointment
Save yourself the hurt and don't you try
You better learn to walk my son
Before you try to fly
Every day will be the same
So find yourself a place there in the queue
Get your head out of the clouds
We don't need a different point of view
Work a little harder
If you wanna make it to the top
Gather up those pretty pennies before you drop
Chorus
They say what doesn't kill you
Only makes you strong
The game it keeps on changing
And you try to play along
Keep your head up high
Look them dead in the eye
Believe in yourself
And forget about the line
Working at the factory
Working for another bill to pay
Forget about the future
It will be here soon enough
That's what they say
Have another beer
Sing another song to pass the time
And when the party's over
Get your little ass back on the line
@conuladh Feb 2022
Oh, yes this is good. I'm keen to hear your ideas on reworking it. I agree with AG about about low vocal - really works for the song.
@andygriff Feb 2022
Excellent lyric. The one note melody I found really tricky but you've done well there. Nice to hear your lower register!
@nancycunning Feb 2022
This is beautiful. I like the chorus and the verses a lot and the way you play it.
If you're thinking about reworking the lyrics some, it could be fun to make the chorus stand out even more as being the opposite view of the verses. Right now it feels like the first four lines of the chorus are sort of restating the viewpoint of the verses, and then the last four are saying, do the opposite instead. I think it could be cool to have the whole chorus stand (or soar) in that place of opposition to the party line.
It'll be a beautiful song whatever you do or don't do with it.