Feb 2022 ballad folk alt-country murder-ballad
I had the idea for this song tonight while I was watching Finland blank Slovakia in Olympic men's ice hockey. By the time the game was over I'd gotten the first four verses and decided to post it for comments. Don't be afraid to make suggestions.
I learned a song I call "Been All Around This World" from my friend John Caspell about 15 years ago. I later found out that it's one of several songs that use a chorus similar to the one below, so I figured, why not throw another one on the pile. The first two lines of the first and fourth verses suggested themselves fairly quickly, and what you see below came together in under two hours.
I'm tired and getting ready to check out for the night but I should be up for posting a demo tomorrow.
EDIT 1: 7:30 AM 2/18 -- Added a fifth verse and changed one of the cheat words. Changed the chorus a bit.
EDIT 2: 10:45-ish AM 2/18 -- Demo's up! Thank you so much @timfatchen @andrea @ductapeguy @jsini @aurorasanders for listening/reading and commenting. This is a better song for it. Longer too: about 6:18. I might put up another version later with the breaks filled in (probably a pedal steel and fiddle).
CHORUS
They're hanging me tomorrow
I'll be dead and gone
The hangin' soon be over
But I'll be in the ground so long
Be in the ground so long.
Your mother knew I gambled but she loved me just the same
She gave to me my only son, you who bear my name
I tried to stick to farming at a place near Tupelo
But that deck of cards just wouldn't let me go
CHORUS
One night I was in a game north of New Orleans
I won a hundred dollar pot, aces over queens
A hothead said I'd swindled him and jumped up to his feet
No man lives by calling me a cheat
CHORUS
The cards revealed the man was wrong, I had fairly won
But it was far too late by then, the damage had been done
They hauled me up before a judge with vengeance in his eye
And the hothead's father sentenced me to die
CHORUS
I have a pair of gifts I want to give to you my son
A twenty-dollar gold piece and a twenty dollar gun
Use them to remind you of the damage that I've wrought
And be there for your mother when I'm not
CHORUS
(Break 1)
(Break 2)
CHORUS
Looking out the jailhouse window I can plainly see
The hangman's noose a-swingin' from a branch of the gallows tree
Heed a father's warning not to do what I have done
And let the cards bereave a wife and son
CHORUS
@janeg Feb 2022
If you wanted this to sound like it was written long ago, you succeeded. Instant trad Americana.
@tseaver Feb 2022
Nice write! The "last night on earth blues" is a deep well, and you've drawn from it cleanly. The steel sings a sweet backup here.
@timfatchen Feb 2022
I think it's good storytelling and like the twist of the judge (US legal system? sigh). I don't see the cheat repetition problem at all (unless you've already changed it. There's just cheated, cheat and cheating, close together but it gets the point hammered home. "when I'm not" would fix the minor scansion hiccup of the last verse line
@andrea Feb 2022
It's a good story. I like the little twist that the judge was the dead man's father. I agree with @aurorasanders that finding a synonym for 'cheat' would help cut the repetitive use of that word.
@ductapeguy Feb 2022
Good storytelling there.
@jsini Feb 2022
Good one! It is a talent to tell a whole story in the frame work of a song. You did well. Possibly a touch more would improve it, but there was enough to create some imagery.
@aurorasanders Feb 2022
Really like this concept. I'm a Hunger Games fan even after all these years so of course I'm thinking about the Hanging Tree song from there, which is a compliment. The repeated use of "cheat" could maybe be altered since it seems a little awkward, maybe try a synonym somewhere so it's not so repetitive?