I posted this lyric before but added a chorus and moved a bunch of stuff around as I recorded the demo today, so my apologies to those who commented on the previous post, your input was greatly appreciated and taken to heart (and I kept a screen shot).
I haven't been posting very many songs so far this FAWM, so I force-wrote this one as I rode a bus last Friday through the bucolic neighborhoods of Paso Robles, hence the imagery. On Tuesday I came up with a new chorus idea, and today I changed what I thought was a bridge into the second half of the 2nd verse.
I really like the wordplay, for me there's tons of double-meaning. To "make it" as opposed to "making it happen" and the idea of art being your life blood but how having to hew to the machine of commerce makes your blood boil. The concept of losing a day to drudgery (or a hangover) *and* being born to lose... All juicy stuff that I really enjoyed writing.
At the current rate of song posting I'm destined for perhaps 6 songs this FAWM, but who trusts algebraic equations in human history?
On to the next. Love from the central coast of California.
CHORUS
The river unwinds
In the hot sun shine
When you make it
Your life blood boils
In the engine's coils
When you fake it
Our days and lives are born to lose
In finger pistol mirror moves
V1
The streets aligned
With trophy brides
And decal laden four wheel drives
The sunset glows
In golden rows
On each burnt amber patio
From bedroom caves
Step divorcees
Leashed to dogs at end of days
Engraved with songs
From molten tongs
Of endless teenage sing alongs
V2
We hum the part
We've learned by heart
Sew a life that's torn apart
Who's to say
Another way
Is better, faster, pay to play
The tongue in grooves
Of solar rooves
Enshrine the lives we dream we'd choose
We fear the things we're sure we'll lose
If we let go of all we do
@debrandio Mar 2022
This is great. About the most falsetto I get is pronouncing it. Smooth!!
@danvaillancourt Mar 2022
I like the contrast in the fanatic lead and breaks with the laid vocal sections. Lots of great imagery and poetry in the lyrics. Nice falsetto!
@abudabard12514 Feb 2022
Alright falsettoooooooo!!!! I'm all in, man. All in. This nasty.
@stevenwesleyguiles Feb 2022
This fully reminds me of some awesome Bruce Cockburn song! (Are you familiar with hiim? He's awesome, like YOU).
Great slow, smoldering jam.
I've been quite absent in my commenting this season.
But I needed to let you know I dig this jam, your voice, the words. All the things.
@fiddlerblick80 Feb 2022
I'm surprised this turned into a blues song. I dig it, especially the slow delivery of the title line in the chorus.
@stephenwordsmith Feb 2022
True modern poetry. Lines like 'The streets aligned with trophy brides and decal laden four wheel drives' paint a picture that tells many more thousands of words than appear in the lyric itself - a positive literary feedback loop.
I love the tightness of the write and the density of the rhymes, internal and otherwise. None of it feels forced - it lands like the casual patter of your most insightful friend shooting the breeze on a warm Sunday afternoon, speaking of the synergy between the mortal engine and the motor engine. Rockin' delivery too.