Tune: "Whiskey in the Jar," traditional.
This song is set in the present rather than being historical, but it's part of the theme "Promises broken, promises restored" as applied to the United States. The idea started with reading an Institute for Justice article on civil forfeiture cash grabs from drivers, literal highway robbery. That got me thinking about a traditional song about a highway robber, and the parody came without much trouble.
Montana and Ohio are among the highest rated states for restrictions on abusive civil forfeiture. They aren't the ones with the top ratings, but they're the ones that provided rhyme and scansion.
Lyrics and performance copyright 2022, Gary McGath.
As I was on the highway and the tickets I was faking,
I stopped a long-haul driver and his money I was taking.
I first produced my badge and then I sternly told him, "Sonny,
I don't have any charge to bring but you'll forfeit your money."
Refrain:
Musha ringuma doo durm'da
Let's stop that Caddy-oh,
Let's stop that Caddy-oh,
There's money in the car.
I brought in all I'd taken to the station right and proper.
The cash will go to good use. More than half stays with the coppers.
I filed the needed papers and I didn't do it sloppy.
I took the ones from last week's stop and made a photocopy.
Refrain
I went to my apartment all for to take a slumber,
I dreamt of gold and jewels, boys, and sure it was no wonder
But the trucker made a phone call, don't know why he didn't trust us,
Then set a lawyer on us from the Institute for Justice.
Refrain
When I came to the station, was early in the mornin',
This lawyer came right up to me and uttered words of warnin'.
She told me that I couldn't go grabbin' cash at leisure.
She claimed the Fourth Amendment won't permit a causeless seizure.
Refrain
I wish that I was workin' for Sheriff Joe Arpaio
I know he'd treat me better than Montana or Ohio.
Together we'd go ridin' on the roads of Arizona,
We'd have fun stopping cars and taking money from its owner.
Refrain
@gmcgath Feb 2022
@mhorning Thanks for the info. I knew that Arpaio was out but not that Arizona had improved its forfeiture laws. The last verse will need a fix of some kind, perhaps "We'd bring back his old days on the roads of Arizona."
@mhorning Feb 2022
Fabulous, although "I object" your honor.
AZ actually has far better/reformed asset forfeiture laws than most of the other states, and due to HB2810 requires a conviction prior to forfeiture. We will ignore the fact that Arpaio got booted from office in 2016.
@alfapenguin Feb 2022
This is tremendous. I clicked on it because it reminded me of "There's always money in the banana stand" from arrested development and its so much better than what I was expecting.
Love the development in the story, The lyrics are great and the rhymes don't feel forced. Nice work!