Feb 2022 s021022 songskirmish skirmish enby-with-piano piano
this was made from my own skirmish prompt: https://fawm.org/forums/topic/12570/
simple but still weird, I am proud of this one and think it has a lot of potential, even though on the first finished listen I wanted to change the whole structure and arrangement. but that is a problem for Future Cairo, right? hehehe
are these tracks the right path?
are these seats my home?
can I get another chance?
or am I getting too old?
no toy could ever prepare me
for the tangled web of life
no joy could ever protect me
but there's always another night
rolling on bars of steel and wood
I wanna go very far
rolling on bars of steel and wood
because my heart is the car
the line is my intuition
to stop on the right stations
I did things my way
but maybe my way's wrong
I need a new place to stay
been on the past for too long
no toy could ever prepare me
for the tangled web of life
no joy could ever protect me
but there's always another night
rolling on bars of steel and wood
I wanna go very far
rolling on bars of steel and wood
because my heart is the car
the line is my intuition
to stop on the right stations
@airbagtester Feb 2022
This is really dramatic and introspective. It reminds me of when my mind starts wandering on a long train commute. It puts me in the same rhythm.
@katestantonsings Feb 2022
These chord changes are glorious. The piano is inspired. Love the lyrics. Nice work here!!
@gardeningangel1 Feb 2022
This is so beautiful even with the simple arrangement but I can also hear lots of room for it to expand with more layers. The lyrics are so relatable and vivid. Vocal melodies or so lovely. I can hear why you are proud of this one!
@ryuu Feb 2022
Love that surprising chord change from 1:22 on!
@wrenarcher Feb 2022
Wow. This was done for a skirmish?
Really well done. I think you nailed the feel of the lyrics combined with the timbre of your voice and the sparse piano. Love how it ends without the piano sustained as well... it just stops.
And... unresolved. I listened again and it doesn't sound like you ever solidly land on the root because of the voicings you're using. But as I hear the single notes falling at the end, I then anticipate it. I think, "oh... here it comes."
Nope. Still feeling the tension waiting for it to drop to the root. Ohhh you're sneaky. Well done.
@ineloquentsd Feb 2022
That minimalist piano combined with your voice makes for a charmingly haunting effect. Well done!
@kahlo2013 Feb 2022
This is a wonderfully melancholy song with insight that brings hope! Love how your vocals shine with the sparse piano backdrop. Gorgeous poetic images and sound.
@jwhanberry Feb 2022
I like the melding of person and train on a journey of uncertainty. Good poetry. The accompaniment supports the approach. Good skirmish and thanks for the prompt.
@kenmattsson Feb 2022
I love these chords! There's a surprise coming every line. It's so slow and pensive I was wondering if it qualifies for slothcore.
@mikeskliar Feb 2022
really nicely done- emotional and intense, and I love that slow tempo for this. contemplative and rueful, and feels very conversational too-- nice work!
alot of great lines here..and great vocal phrasing.
@misterdemp Feb 2022
There are a ton of great ideas here, the plaintive piano with the voice has a hypnotic feeling, Not sure you meant this, but the rolling on bars of steel and wood could also be a way to connect train tracks to the materials that make up a piano, and written music "bars." Anyway my brain went there.
@elesimo Feb 2022
So beautiful... I think I related to the whole lyrics. Your voice sounds sad and broken, in a beautiful way, and the sparse piano arrangement is just haunting.
I don't remember hearing anything like this from you before, but I love it!
@sheilerk Feb 2022
An interesting allegorical write. I really like "no toy could ever prepare me for the tangled web of life." Ain' it the truth!! The pace of this really gives each line weight and makes you think. Really nicely done!
@jtsteam Feb 2022
Ooh, I like the sound of this, with the sparse arrangement and the minor chords and the ending that suggests the story is only just beginning.
@ajna1960 Feb 2022
The words and sentences in this lyric are very original and memorable. Good lyric :) I really like your vocals in this too.