Feb 2022 s020922 skirmish takeaway
My very first Skirmish! Did this in one take.
Skirmish: https://fawm.org/forums/topic/12562/
Prompt: "Take Away"
NOTE: Huge thanks to @carleybaer for sharing some great tips for successful skirmishing! This was my first Skirmish, but it won't be my last!
Skirmish S020922:
Take Away (What Remains)
© 2022 Peter A. Rafle Jr. All Rights Reserved
[SONG NUMBER 4 for FAWM 2022]
Take away my inhibitions
Take away my old regrets
Take away the sweet temptations
Expectations never met
Take away the scars and bruises
Every time that I got burned
Obsession with who wins or loses
Take away the lessons learned
Take all that away
And what remains?
What remains?
Take all that away
What remains?
Take away my hesitation
Free me from the pain of doubt
Take away the fear of failure
Cut the roots and pull it out.
Take away my superpowers
Take away my kryptonite
The things that haunt me in the hours
In between the day and night
Take all that away
And what remains?
What remains?
Take all that away
What remains?
Would I still be me?
Would we still be us?
Would we ever meet
On that crosstown bus?
Everything we’ve grown and nurtured
These are things I’ll never trade
Leave me every fight and makeup
Leave me all the love we’ve made
So leave it all just as you found it
Leave the scars and bruises too.
Tears and doubt and hesitation
Leave me us and leave me you
But please don’t leave me.
Leave it all just as it is and was and still shall be.
But please don’t leave me.
@slightlydrunk Feb 2022
Impressive, more so for a one-take and under pressure!
Top notch lyrics as well!
@whispermouse Feb 2022
Awesome scansion on a lot of this, incredibly natural sounding. What a skirmish!
@jwhanberry Feb 2022
You deeply explored the subject with some appealing language.
"Take away the sweet temptations
Expectations never met" is a fine lyric.
That guitar sounds real nice too.
@berni1954 Feb 2022
You had me from that opening strums!
Some super images and the two choruses with their unanswered questions are so powerful. Super job for an hour's work"! Long live skirmishes!
@porrectus Feb 2022
I like the question cadence on remains. That sounded great. Good wrote, well done.
@blindsheepdog Feb 2022
great job, vibes of Third Eye Blind and similar, happyish chords darker lyric
@thedutchwidows Feb 2022
That's a cracker for a first skirmish (he says with his massive experience of having done skirmishes all of three times before). I do know that writing that many words in an hour, and making them cohesive and lyrical is really hard, and you've nailed that. The performance is great too; really suits the lyric. Excellent!
@scruffyblues Feb 2022
Really great first skirmish, this song sounds like an absolute keeper. Excellent stuff!
@misterdemp Feb 2022
Lots of determination, power, and intense questioning in these lyrics, and love the guitar's sense of variety.
@wylddandelyon Feb 2022
Oh, very nice! I'm glad you joined this skirmish, you got a very respectable song out of it. "Take all that away and what remains" indeed!
@kevinmason Feb 2022
Amazing first skirmish! The subtle timing and melody nuances throughout this feel practiced and refined, not the product of a skirmish. Solid writing, strong, energetic delivery. Fine work.
@carleybaer Feb 2022
Yay!! This is great! I like how you ask the question about taking away and come back with the answer of leaving everything, good and bad, just as you found it. I wouldn't have guessed it was your first skirmish, or a skirmish at all for that matter. Good work! :)
@hmstreetteam Feb 2022
Deep philosophical question, and the song sets it up perfectly with a lot of energy!
@liz561 Feb 2022
This is really fantastic! Reminds me a bit of "Drive". If this is what you do in an hour imagine what you can do with two. The lyrics are especially good.
@tunecat Feb 2022
The repetition of
‘Take away’ is really effective. This sounds like a really well honed song not one just written. Really convincing! Great rendition