That sketch is the product of a skirmish organized by @ajna1960. The prompt was "take away".
You stopped in front of my shop
Saturday morning at 7
a cold chill entered with you
as you closed the door
the lanterns outside still brighter
than the grey of the day
you didn’t say a word
but I could see
it is a take away heart
you came for
just take away heart
just what you need
a take away heart
is all you came for
a take away heart
is all you need
it smelled of pretzels and muffins
warm cherries and buttered croissants
can you hear the breath of the bread
in the display?
Your eyes still fixed on the board
The cough of the coffee mashine
and baguettes
only 1 euro today
but it’s just a take away heart ...
@ayehahmur Feb 2022
Wow, there's such expression in the dynamic range of this song. It really swells with emotion. I love the little details: "warm cherries and buttered croissants". Perfect scene setting for a sad song.
@hgz Feb 2022
Dein internationaler Durchbruch. :D
@thealchemist87 Feb 2022
A take away heart is just what u need <3 thx for this nice peace of love :)
@nicetrip Feb 2022
So nice, I liked the performance and song overall. Very decent one-take
@whispermouse Feb 2022
There's something very genuine in this. The emotion is so well-conveyed. Excellent skirmish.
@liz561 Feb 2022
The picking is no effective and the singing really reminds me of Mark Knopfler. My husband said this song sounds like Richard Shindell. So we are saying it sounds great. Like the Takeaway heart hook as well.
@porrectus Feb 2022
Take away heart is a great hook, nice work great skirmish
@berni1954 Feb 2022
I like the breathy vocals and the varied rhythms of the guitar backing.
And the build to the climax was well handled. Great image the "takeaway heart". I also liked the build up of images that complete the setting as the protagonists come on the scene. Chapeau!
@blindsheepdog Feb 2022
great delivery….. which is important for take aways these days
@thedutchwidows Feb 2022
This is great. Your voice is so dynamic - really elevates the song and keeps one's attention and interest. The build and drop at the end is really well done. Very nice.
@scruffyblues Feb 2022
Lovely storytelling in this. I really like the soothing plucking of the guitar along with your voice.
@chrishinch86 Feb 2022
Painted a great picture here, really enjoyed it! Well done
@jwhanberry Feb 2022
The picture you paint in this song puts me right in that little shop. Very effective.
@misterdemp Feb 2022
Lovely mood of a mysterious customer in the cafe with this quiet picking, and lovely story telling.
@zeekle1998 Feb 2022
This has raw power and passion. A fantastic skirmish write. The title is neat and the imagery sets the scene.
@tunecat Feb 2022
You’ve encapsulated a certain way ndetful nostalgic atmosphere. That on itself is very precious.
@prsongsmith Feb 2022
This is so marvelous -- the "takeaway heart" is so original, and you built it out into a whole cinematic experience. Describing the heart with the smells of a bakery is pure poetic genius. BRilliant.
@mashala Feb 2022
Wow. Thats beautiful. I love the breath of the bread and the cough of the coffee machine... you're a great lyricist in english also! and wonderful to listen to - as always. :)
@kevinmason Feb 2022
Beautiful guitar. You paint a lifelike scene and overlay some complex emotion on it. I don't know exactly what this all means, but as others have said, it's evocative!
@andygriff Feb 2022
Very atmospheric and evocative! Excellent lyrics, took me somewhere else entirely.
@hmstreetteam Feb 2022
This is quite an impressive vignette with the layers of observation and still leaving an air of mystery.
@judypie Feb 2022
Very evocative! I can practically smell this song and it smells gooood <3
@keithcuts Feb 2022
ohh melancholy vibes from the shop owner
fascinating perspective on this human interaction
well written
smooth delivery