Feb 2022 songskirmish takeaway 12562 needs-music needs-collab s020922
Rookie mistake - I tagged this one originally with the topic thread number instead of the skirmish number.....No wonder I missed everyone else's posts.
Skirmish: https://fawm.org/forums/topic/12562/
Prompt: "Take Away"
Thanks, Amanda for posting @ajna1960
Take Away
20220209
Last night your key takeaway was take away the keys
Lock up all the bourbon
Knock him at the knees
Last night your key takeaway was take away the keys
I'm better now so give 'em back
Come on, pretty please
Come on, Baby, give me back my keys
Last night my key takeaway was take away the pain
Take a couple uppers
Dance out in the rain
Last night my key takeaway was take away the pain
I'm better now so give it back
Come on, don't explain
Come on, Baby give me back my pain
Takeaway the takeaway
We'll take a little walk
Get takeout and we'll talk
Talk and taking stock
Takeaway the takeaway
We'll take a little walk
Last night your key takeaway was take away your self
Take a little breather
Set me on a shelf
Last night your key takeaway was take away your selr
I'm better now so give it back
Come on back to hell
Come on, Baby, give me back your self
Takeaway the takeaway
We'll take a little walk
Get takeout and we'll talk
Talk and taking stock
Takeaway the takeaway
We'll take a little walk
@kiffa Mar 2022
This is a great set of lyrics. "Last night your key takeaway was take away the keys" is killer, as is the idea of asking someone to "give me back my pain". The whole thing is incredibly... economical, if that makes any sense? lol... I don't think I've ever used that word to describe a song before, but what I mean is, there's no fat on the lyrics, no need for the singer to have to try to breathlessly squeeze in two or three syllables where only one might comfortably go. The lyrics have such a clear rhythm to them, that you don't have to guess at the pace of how any one line would be sung-- you can hear it in your head as you read the lyrics. Very impressive.
@br0th3rh00d Mar 2022
Powerful.
@jsini Feb 2022
Very good writing. I get what you are saying. It kinda makes me sad thought. Good job.
@mckillop Feb 2022
This is a great lyric, Nancy!
You definitely nailed the prompt, that's for sure.
The lyric has a really solid arc.
@jwhanberry Feb 2022
"Takeaway the takeaway " is the brilliant phrase here. It sums up the whole story and is linguistically wonderful. Nice work.
@berni1954 Feb 2022
I like all the plays on takeaway (what you have learned, removing a thing from a place, fast food, etc).
@porrectus Feb 2022
Good wrote nice flow great picture painted nice work
@thedutchwidows Feb 2022
Very nicely done. A really nice take on the prompt!
@carleybaer Feb 2022
I love the opening play on "key takeaway/ take away the keys" and it just keeps being brilliant. My takeaway here is that the relationship is unraveling, but that the narrator is still hopeful, perhaps in vain. I hope you put this to music someday, I'd love to hear it.
@misterdemp Feb 2022
Cool word play to connect "key takeaway" to taking someone's keys when they've had too much.
@liz561 Feb 2022
Great lyrics-hope you can eventually add some music!