Demo is glitchy….sorry. I’ll see if I can fix later.
This one is for my spouse of 25 years. We’ve been going through a rough patch and are looking at a legal separation, but the love is still there. It’s hard.
I loved you. I love you even as you cause me pain
You keep digging the hole so deep my tears drop down like rain
That is landing in dust I sweep, but mud sticks to the broom
You loved me. Now you’re leaving me to clean up this room
Alone. I hold the dustpan. In a cold and dirty tomb
Chorus:
I am angry at myself for trusting you so much
Bitter that you held me off from intimate touch
Numb that our marriage became such a sham
Bargaining for better as I learn who I am
I am grieving as you’re leaving me
In the dust. Holding the dustpan.
I sacrificed myself to give you everything you asked
Thought I was so broken you’d make mosaic from my glass
You took the words I’ve spoken—swept them all under the rug
Now I’m pinned down on this altar—an abandoned, writhing bug
I worshipped you for years, but you dismiss me with a shrug
Chorus
Oh, I loved you. I love you. I swept up every crumb
And made myself a feast to share, hoping that you’d come
To appreciate my love and care, not just leave me washing dishes
You loved me. Now you’re leaving me, and I’m holding empty wishes
In this dustpan. That is sweeping up broken promises.
@moonraccoon Feb 2022
This is bitterly beautiful. Other than agreeing with everything already said, I'm speechless.
@liz561 Feb 2022
Such pathos in these lyrics. And I can hear the agony in your singing. The dustpan is so elevated as a metaphor. Lovely lovely song.
@oswlek Feb 2022
Funny, you have some gorgeous vocal moments here (the falsetto on grieving hit hard), but it was the lyrics I could barely take focus off here. And they are absolutely heartbreaking. The main image is brilliant in the way it leverages the ordinary to pack a real punch. "Mosaic from my glass" is another line that was almost too good. I couldn't help but take a moment to admire the writing which took me out of the song for a second!
Impressive stuff, Colleen.
@ineloquentsd Feb 2022
Ohh, this is heart-wrenching. The guitar backing is understated, just enough to support your vocals. Your performance here reminds me a bit of old school Emmy Lou Harris. This is incredibly well done. I’m tearing up at my office computer.
@bethdesombre Feb 2022
Oh -- and the melody/tempo on "I am grieving as you’re leaving me" is glorious.
@bethdesombre Feb 2022
This is beautiful and heartbreaking. That second line is perfect. (so is the. . . ."alone" ) And you use the metaphor well.
@greengrassgirl Feb 2022
Love the honesty and the relatability. I particularly love this line:
"Thought I was so broken you’d make mosaic from my glass"
@jyllian Feb 2022
Lovely! I like they way the grieving and leaving lines come in.
@sunfire Feb 2022
I like your vocal delivery and guitar playing. I can feel the anguish and struggle. Very moving. Well done!
@clioem Feb 2022
Simple but poingnant. I can't wait to hear the final recording :D
really old folk feel. Love it.
@metalfoot Feb 2022
Wow... a powerful recording befitting the lyrics. The struggle comes through loud and clear!
@katestantonsings Feb 2022
This sounds lovely!! Your vocals are so pretty and powerful with the emotion.
@ineloquentsd Feb 2022
Thank you for sharing this. You know the writing adage about the bigger the emotion, the smaller the details you use to express it? These lyrics do that perfectly.
@readerwriterpoet Feb 2022
Thank you so much for your kind feedback on my song, and boy am I glad you found it and I found you in turn because WOW this bowled me over with its honesty and gut-punch lines. That you can be so open and vulnerable as you struggle to find your footing in a new, uncertain reality speaks to your strength not only as a songwriter, but as a person. Wow.
@katestantonsings Feb 2022
Your honesty in this lyric really moves me. My favorite line is, "thought I was so broken you'd make mosaic from my glass". Your words that describe the pain of putting your life aside to love someone who doesn't reciprocate is relatable and full of empathy. Someone recently told me that a broken heart knows when it knows that it knows--I know that sounds silly, but it resonated with me as the only way out is through the pain. Does self-love come from hitting the bottom? As others stated below, I can't wait to hear your lovely vocals and guitar stylings set to these heartfelt lyrics. You remind me of Jewel!
@carleybaer Feb 2022
I was struck by a lot of your incidental internal rhyming ("broken/spoken," "feast to share/love and care") and I agree with others that casting this within the framework of domestic drudgery makes the punch hit a little harder, considering what a fraught issue it can be between couples. It's not always easy to open up about something like this, especially when you know people are going to read it and give feedback, so I appreciate that you did. I can't wait to hear the demo.
@kahlo2013 Feb 2022
This is so raw, honest, and heartfelt feeling that it reaches deep into my heart - feeling associated with the crumbling of a relationship and the love that is uprooted is such a powerful emotion and you describe the angst and anger and sadness with a grace that befits the depth of love you once shared.
@jyllian Feb 2022
Goodness gracious this is quite raw and honest. Looking forward to hearing this! What an apt image - the dustpan and this thing you held so sacred becomes just dust.
@sunfire Feb 2022
Powerful! I can't wait to hear it.
@jorh Feb 2022
I think this could be my favourite you have ever written - I have been waiting patiently for your first songs, and this is a beautifully raw and emotive piece. You have such a gift for building a connection with the reader. There’s so many amazing lines in here but this was a particular stand out:
“You keep digging the hole so deep my tears drop down like rain, That is landing in dust I sweep, but mud sticks to the broom”
There was something very poignant about using a ‘domestic chores’ as a metaphor for separation. Thank you for being brave enough to something so personal, and I’m sending you big hugs
@jacobeverettwallace Feb 2022
Damn. This one hits real deep. I kinda wanna give you a virtual hug. There's so much emotion in these lyrics I had to read through twice to catch it all. I have to imagine this is cathartic as well. Bravo for being brave enough to write it. I liked the chores-related metaphors in each verse that brought them all back to the dustpan. What a fantastic device to use for describing such an intimate and intense relationship status. Thank you for sharing.
@metalfoot Feb 2022
Powerfully descriptive lyric!
@cindyrella Feb 2022
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! This song though is so moving and heartbreaking. Hugs.