It’s funny how that moment seems like such a divider in retrospect- those fun weeks and months after we met at that dingy punk club on Valencia when you would come by my flat on 22nd and we’d go lie on the sunny grass in Dolores Park talking about the exact perfect house that looked over a curve of the Pacific coast and the exact perfect dog that would curl up on our bed exhausted after running over the wet sand all day, and the darkness that came after, me layering on makeup on my cheek so my friends wouldn’t ask me what that bruise was from, so I wouldn’t have to make up some stupid and awkward lie about tripping in my kitchen and knocking my face on the counter (that clumsy Fiona again! Why does stuff always happen to her? Except probably they never thought that).
But at the time it just slipped by, just a thing you did by accident I was sure, even though it stood out like a sharp pain in an otherwise calm and happy existence. And I mean that literally, as in the sharp pain of you yanking my arm that day, it hurt, I remember yelling- ow!- in the middle of Mission street, loud enough that the Mexican ladies at the sidewalk tables selling candles and gloves looked up at us, and I thought holy shit what the fuck dude? And aside from the light- that weird San Francisco light that I remember, like the sun was shining through a glass of dirty water- I remember that glare of yours that I had never seen before, this narrowed eyed look you gave me like you were saying, “well, I fucking told you what I wanted, didn’t I?” and I was just supposed to take that as the be all end all of whatever argument we were having.
Which for a while I did. I went along, tried to smooth over the bumps, rationalize the unrationable. Those lazy afternoons in the park, the sex on your mattress downstairs at the dive bar, that all couldn’t be gone, could it? Was that for nothing? Am I crazy? That’s what I told myself, anyway, so I told myself that was the last time, no that was, no really, this really was the last time you’ll do that, and I layered on makeup and made myself care less and just started avoiding those friends who started asking about you, and what I was doing, and just told myself everything was fine and nothing was uncomfortable and I could just get over it.
Until I didn’t. And I guess I should thank you for that, in a weird way. I never would have found myself and what I can do, never would have balled up my fist and said enough, never would have turned and walked away when you or anyone was screaming that I was worthless and could never do better, never would have learned to walk far enough to find myself where I am today, writing this.
Which maybe you would appreciate somehow, if you’re somewhere you could see or read this, if there was some little speck of you left from those early days with you, the charming, smart witty man who ran and brought me ice cream when I said I was hot. I don’t know. I don’t think about it much anymore.
Looking back, it seems that I
even then I knew your kind
hiding right there in my eyes
a gift of shape you morphed in mine
A prince of peace, you won't let go
your songs of praise, you're sure I know
this gentle man who waits on me
beyond the light there's dark below
This life we were living in
dissolved in a minute when
peeled away your clothes and then
I saw it on your chest, your brand
Yet somehow I, I missed the signs
of flashing anger, narrowed eyes
A balled up fist became my light
my flashing signal in the sky
cast aside my grey disguise
welcomed colors to my life
This life we were living in
dissolved in a minute when
peeled away your clothes and then
I saw it on your chest your brand
a trail of clues or trail of crumbs
we only know when it's undone
You asked me to stay, and I knew you would
you asked me to run and hide, maybe I would
but you're not the only one with powers anymore
And so I left and sped away
gathering speed even today
I help the ones fighting to leave
their own shadows just like me
I suppose the credit's to your blood,
you gave me strength, now I'm loved
@chipwithrow Mar 2022
Another amazing song/literary device, different from your first one sonically but related in the character-study way. And those are some wonderful synth sounds banging around in my headphones.
@kvnwoodruff Feb 2022
Yeah dude. This one has a killer thing going. Somehow your synths are fucking shredding.
@thedutchwidows Feb 2022
The slightly farty synth is super in your face, but then sits right into the mix in a really pleasing way. Voice sounds great. The pick-up at the last verse is so groovy - got me nodding along in what I consider to be an aesthetically pleasing way.
So, lyrically, and back story-wise - is this connected to the first song in some way? Where's the arc, cos if there is one, it's beyond me at the moment. It's super opaque. Perhaps all will become clear. And to be clear, these are not questions I want you to answer. in fact, I don't want answers to anything - I just want to see what happens. Like life I guess.
@nahlej381 Feb 2022
Missed your tunes dude! You back home yet? I was hoping to hear some more of that upright bass you were jammin last I heard from ya
@bachelorb Feb 2022
Loved the techno synth. I really liked how you mixed up the percussion in the verse/chorus parts. Empowering lyrics too. Really nice
@paulh1237 Feb 2022
The lyrics scan and swirl around the synths so so well, and contrast against the poppier punchy synths superbly. This is great.
@andyt13 Feb 2022
We really need to do something together, this is great.
@guatecoop Feb 2022
Whoa....Just jumping out of my monitors! You really couldn't be more different from the first song--but that is just how you are. So great, but what was the initial spark? What you heard? Were you noodling around and found something? Goodness, this is so cool and well thought out. Well done again!
@blainev83 Feb 2022
Great lyrics. Really dug when the toms came in at 1:54ish. Nice work!