A song in the grand tradition of industrial safety briefing songs, which is dominated by Shake Hands With Danger (1980)
Thanks to the podcast "Well there's your problem" for the inspiration.
Feedback appreciated.
Turned out a little more Baz Luhrmann's Sunscreen than I expected.
Alright boys, mandatory safety meeting
Everybody gather round,
Safety Meeting.
Always put on your safety spectacles,
Note the position of all your exits,
Put the sharps in the receptacles,
And if it's unsafe please reject it,
Just know... the safety manual is written in blood.
No loose clothes while working the lathes,
The mills they can't tell steel from flesh,
Tie back you hair, and roll those sleeves away,
And I'll need those waivers on my desk,
Because Boys...
The safety manual, it is written in blood.
Take a minute to share your horror stories,
Ensure all cutting wheels are guarded,
Lest you meet and end that's good and gory,
And give your prayers to dearly departed,
After all...
That safety manual is written in blood.
You may think this is all just to terrify you,
But know that nobody wants to clear your sorry remains out of the box crusher at 5pm on a Friday, or mop you from under the Viper RT-80 forklift.
There is no fate folks, and there are damn sure no accidents.
Fill out your forms for next of kin,
Cause with your life you ought not wager,
Pour those chemicals in appropriate bins
Don't you go and shake hands with danger.
Because I cannot stress this enough -
The safety manual is written in blood.
Alright that's it gentlemen, you have a good day.
Back to work.
@bethkille Feb 2022
Ha! So clever. I want to see the music video for this. Anyone who has ever sat through one of these meetings can totally jam to this.
@gardeningangel1 Feb 2022
This is glorious. The slow-jam style is a perfect jazzified version of the cheesy backing music on those training videos, with pauses in all the right places. That title is going to stick with me forever.
@oaksnprairie Feb 2022
The title sounded scary, but I dived in anyway. As the daughter of a chemical engineer, I can appreciate the thoughts. Safety was always first in our house. This is a great way to get the point across and should be used in all industries with danger.
@celineellis Feb 2022
Im all signed off for health and safety and ready to work! I really really love this - such a great piece!
@dock Feb 2022
The contrast of cute music and grim warnings is almost too much! Ha ha.
@zeekle1998 Feb 2022
Great music with great imagery in the lyrics. It reminds me of an expression I heard: No matter how idiot proof you make something, the will make a better idiot.
@bnrmx Feb 2022
Haha, this was a fun little jam to listen to. Leaves some good safety images in your head, keeping it light in mood but dark in content tone.
@jlampson Feb 2022
I am now ready to report to the job site! I enjoyed this! I'm not sure what feedback exactly I can even give, other than to continue to embrace the inherit weirdness in things like this. Alright, back to work for me. I'll try to avoid blood.