2021 was a big year for me. I had a baby but I also started something that I kicked off in 2020--I came out of the closet (the two had a lot to do with each other). I'm transgender and started transitioning medically in 2021, I've been on hormones since the summer. I haven't cut my hair since 2020 either so with the muscle loss from the hormones and my now nearly shoulder length locks, I've referred to my transition as reverse Samsoning. My wife has been with me through this transition (and aware of things for a long time before that and always supportive, she's awesome and I'm insanely lucky). While I usually write one-off love songs and the like for FAWM, I'm forcing myself to write a few songs about my transition and process some of the more complex feelings around it. Overall, it's been awesome and one of the best decisions of my life, but it hasn't at all been easy. This song hits at a lot of that for me and trying to process what it means to live more authentically if it means being more vulnerable, physically and emotionally.
Recording from inside the bathroom in my basement not to wake the baby, please excuse the echoes. Thanks for the listen, happy FAWM!
C F/C
Oh I don't know when these things end
Oh me, oh man, oh god
I can hardly recall the beginning
So please, be kind,
and gentle with my heart
I've left it oh so very vulnerable
A bucket of wine
A bottle of pills?
Look at me, designed by god
Growin' my hair
And losing my strength
Just like Samson in reverse
Just like Samson in reverse
I can't tell where these things go
Oh me, oh man, oh god
But as a child I felt myself afflicted
So please, ignore
As I reckon with my vain
and human nature
These pillars of mine
I'm tearing them down
There but for your grace go I
Growin' my hair
Savin' my strength
Just like Samson in reverse
Just like Samson in reverse
And would you be my delilah,
Loyal and by my side
Well let's just hope
This story's gets a happier endin'
A happier endin'
Growin’ my hair
Gatherin’ strength
Just like Samson in reverse
Just like Samson in reverse
@nancycunning Mar 2022
I liked this one when I first listened weeks ago. I was sure I commented on how much I liked this setting of the Biblical story in your own life. It’s interesting to think about Samson in Reverse. I think when I listened initially I was thinking of it as a meditation on choosing to become weaker to be who you feel you really are, but this time I hear it more as an embracing of a strength that feels more core to your you.
@shauna161 Feb 2022
ooooh this one brought tears to my eyes and a big smile to my face at the same time. beautiful, in every way!
@babs77 Feb 2022
Congratulations! On your transition, and this lovely song. The movement of the second line of the chorus from losing to saving to gathering strength is really satisfying. I also love the line "oh me, oh man, oh god". Thanks for sharing this.
@cindyrella Feb 2022
So honest, very creative, and beautiful. I love that Sampson in Reverse concept. Love it!
@nadine Feb 2022
Bold move and great image to explain such a complicated topic. Your performance is heartfelt. Congratulations and best wishes!
@mikedebenham Feb 2022
This is pretty special. Vulnerable, as you say, but an overall sense of comfort and patience. Relaxed enough to let things come as they may, unforced. Lovely singing as usual. Great start to FAWM.
@mikeskliar Feb 2022
wow, this is an amazing song, beautiful and emotional and real and lived in- great work! That image of 'samson in reverse' is just perfect for this, too. All the best on everything and on a great month of songwriting!
@frenchcricket Feb 2022
Welcome to the team! We have cookies and cat ears. A lovely song. Incidentally your bathroom has better acoustics than most of my house.
@arthurrossi Feb 2022
Beautifully written and very well crafted lyrics. I enjoyed the Samson-reference. The guitar and your gorgeous vocal delivery suit these words perfectly and lend them a soulful touch. Great way to start FAWM!
@shallowcarrot Feb 2022
This song was a delight to hear, and just the first two lines were enough to soothe me after a tiring day. The bathroom reverb adds a nice ambience too! Congratulations on your transition, and wish you a happy and fulfilling life :)
@kerriwinter Feb 2022
Ooh I like this one too. Love your voice. The "ignore/as I reckon with my vain/and human nature" lyric is awesome, especially the way you split the thought.
Also had me read up on the story of Samson and Delilah which I actually didn't know! I do indeed hope your story has a happier ending!
@saulius Feb 2022
Wonderful...