UPDATE: Vocals posted! I was having issues with my usual recording equipment and had to use my phone. Blarg. Apologies for any sound quality issues.
This is absolutely not what I thought would be my first song, but there you go. For the weekly challenge - an anthem to perspective. I...don't usually write pop? But it came out sounding very pop-y to me.
The kitten that you rescued
from a dumpster near the park
has been your only refuge
from the fast-encroaching dark,
The flowers that he gave you
are like pieces of the sun,
A beacon that sustains you
after all was said and done,
That girl left her pet outside to die,
Heartless without second thoughts to spare,
Roses were a simple gift to buy,
A trite and useful cover-up for how he’s ceased to care.
Every choice, each situation
has opposing sides,
Countless dimensions of good intentions,
Shadows live in light,
Watch what you put your faith in,
For you might be taken
by surprise,
My views were all mistaken,
Everything is fake in
someone else’s eyes.
The young girl volunteering
in a poorer neighborhood
seems charming and endearing,
Doing what a good girl should,
The beggar on the corner
cannot really be a vet,
You’ll never make him warmer
with the cigarettes he’ll get,
Hiding bruises under clothes and smiles,
She gives to others so her pain won’t show,
He never fought in wars, but for a while
he had a job and family, until fortune brought him low.
Every choice, each situation
has opposing sides,
Countless dimensions of good intentions,
Shadows live in light,
Watch what you put your faith in,
For you might be taken
by surprise,
My views were all mistaken,
Everything is fake in
someone else’s eyes.
Watch what you have a stake in,
You might have to trade in
all your truths for lies,
My views were all mistaken,
Everything is fake in
someone else’s eyes.
My views were all mistaken,
Everything is fake in
someone else’s eyes.
@gm7 Mar 2022
very nice melody line which shows your wide vocal range. Great message. This piece is powerful but i would love to hear this to music. very nice .
I have read some of your poems but i am thinking some of these should have you singing to show case your delightful voice.
t4t
@stephenwordsmith Mar 2022
I had originally intended to comment on one of your lyrics-only pieces, but came to this song because your lyrical style led me to wonder what sort of songs they could become.
It's definitely got the easy flow and catchy structure of pop, but it's powerful in its current delivery. Having the single singer/narrator, unadorned by music or backing, proclaim this powerful piece of storytelling to a room full of people utterly present in the moment. There's such presence and gravitas with the singer here, it feels almost hymnal, or like a karanga, or like the narration of a play which is otherwise entirely unmusical.
Vibrato, of course, was an absolute treat.
#tit4tat
@wolfkier Mar 2022
That vibrato was worth the price of admission but the deep considered lyric delivered so expressively keeps the listener in your thrawl.
#tit4tat - thanks for participating. I hope it brings your work to many people who might have missed it. I know there are many many delights on the list that you'll discover.
1) kinda bummed you only have 2 music tracks to hear more. (not that there's anything wrong with lyrics, it just this is a wonderful example of what you can do with your lyrics...
2) kinda bummed you're only playing 1 tit4tat. :)
A pleasure to encounter what you're bringing.
@ferry0123 Mar 2022
I like how you delve into the human psyche in an observing, non-judging way. With strong vocals and a strong vocal melody. Very good!
@bethdesombre Feb 2022
I love the big meaning of little things, even if not intended the way they are taken. I like what you do rhythmically in some of the sections (what I would call the B sections). I also like "everything is fake in someone else's eyes." This is definitely making me think.
@quadrivium Feb 2022
What engaging way to show a paradigm shift in one’s thinking. I think there is a mass realization that there are so many situations and people dismissed, forgotten, or disparaged. This is a great interrogation of the assumptions people make. Wonderfully done!
@readerwriterpoet Feb 2022
You are such an unbelievably good songwriter, Gabrielle. You are so consistent in quality—always gorgeous imagery, always perfect scansion and rhyme that never feels forced, and the listener is always left thinking about your song long after it's over. AND I GET TO ACTUALLY HEAR YOUR BEAUTIFUL VOICE SINGING IT *kermitflail*
@ekunyi Feb 2022
*happy wiggling over getting to hear you singing again!*
Ahhhh this is so powerful! I love all the contrasts, and the style really works, exploring all the complications of different situations and experiences. Great start to FAWM!
@andread Feb 2022
Deep, things to think about…lovely scansion of words and melody. I really enjoyed this, Thank you Gabrielle!
@tamsnumber4 Feb 2022
"Shadows live in light,"
"Everything is fake in
someone else’s eyes."
So relatable, a nice write, really good phrasing and beautiful vocal. Acapella is not easy and you stayed in key and had a very good melody that came across. A wonderful song all around!
@kristi Feb 2022
This is very thought-provoking and I enjoyed the descriptive images you provide. Pretty vocal and melody. Good message. "Countless dimensions of good intentions" is such a hopeful line.
@writeandwrong Feb 2022
Wow, we both wrote our first one on the very similar topic, cats thrown out... excellent write! Love the melody.
@cleanshoes Feb 2022
Very nice. Listening to your vocals, I'm imagining this as a piano pop-rock ballad in the vein of Tori Amos. "Countless dimensions of good intentions" is a great line.
@greengrassgirl Feb 2022
"Roses were a simple gift to buy,
A trite and useful cover-up for how he’s ceased to care."
I like lyrics like this...an unexpected take on a classic situation.
@janeg Feb 2022
Pretty deep thinking here! Hoping this is about society in general and not anything that’s happened to you. Looking forward to hearing you sing this.
@tasia Feb 2022
Really looking forward to hearing it sung.
@wobbiewobbit Feb 2022
when i started reading it had a real rat-a-tat rhythm, as the story progressed this softened and opened out more, almost like the eye opening of the lyrics.
@donna Feb 2022
Excellent storytelling. Thought provoking perspective. Really nice imagery and details. Good work. :)
@tukayandryan Feb 2022
Great lyrics, can't wait to see what you do with the melody
@timgriffin Feb 2022
Some powerful imagery here. I want to hear it sometime!
@andygriff Feb 2022
Good words! I shall look forward to hearing the tune.
@flw3rch1ld Feb 2022
This is so good! I love the story telling!
@nadine Feb 2022
Wow what storytelling! You're going super deep into the human abyss. I rely like the phrase "Everything is fake in someone else's eyes". Great one!
@crisp1 Feb 2022
You went deep on the first one! We humans are complex beings, aren't we? You capture some of that endless complexity here very nicely!
@ceilidh Feb 2022
Nice snapshot of the folks on the street!
@jtsteam Feb 2022
So many great lines here.
@ericdistad Feb 2022
Wow! Fantastic lyric - the refrain is particularly powerful!
Definitely can hear this as pop!
Great start to FAWM!